Understandable
by RoibenRavus
Summary: How Harry reacts to Sirius's death. Basically antieveryone but Sirius, determined!Rebellious!Angry!Harry, Stupid!Patronizing! Hermione


**Understandable**

You don't understand

Don't understand what?

You'll never understand how it is!

Harry, you've lost someone close to you. I understand. Ron, Ginny, Prof. Dumbledore… we all understand. But we're worried about you, what you've been doing to yourself. We understand that -

Don't patronise me! Don't ever think you can understand me! You may be the best witch and the smartest person, but you're not me! No one but me can understand, you're not in my mind or my soul! Back off!

Harry please, just help me understand.

Sirius is gone

Yes

He's gone

Yes. But… I don't understand…

He's gone… don't you get it? _Mockingly_ Oh you don't get it! The great Hermione Granger, champion of all creatures great and small, also known as the biggest know-it-all since frigging Aristotle, she doesn't get it! So you want to split me open, see why I'm reacting like this? Ok, fine. You wanna hear it? You want me to lie down on a couch while you dissect my feelings? Fine.

Harry…

No, no that's fine. OK, why do I feel like this huh? Sirius is gone.

You've lost a powerful father figure

Father figure? No, Sirius was not a father figure. Not truly.

So what was he?

He is- was- whatever! He's everything else! He's life and death and whatever's in between. He's my friend and brother and mentor and confidante and rescuer, never my betrayer as I was to him! He was my godfather and my… He was Quidditch and Christmas for the first time and …Sirius saw my light and dark and he saw my cowardice and my bravado and with him I could show my anger and my cunning and my cruelty. Oh I see your shocked face. Never thought I could be cruel did you? Oh, but I can. I dream of the day I can fulfil that damn prophecy and destroy Voldemort forever. So I can punish him for _my_ life. Sirius was a symbol of what _my_ life has been, is, could be.

Harry, we can help you, we want to-

-You know what? You can't help me, now or ever.

I may be able to … at least with the Sirius thing.

_Pause_

Since I found him, whenever people doubted me, whenever people turned to me for help I wasn't sure I could give, I turned to him. And he's gone.

So, he was your-

-- He was my… my hope. He was… life after the war and a home and security. He was proof that not everything was bad. He was my last remaining undoubtable, unstoppable, unconditional supporter, my closest and dearest link to the wizarding world because we only had each other. You and Ron have a life with your families... but Sirius and I... we were the only ones left, and we were left together. Sirius was... He was hope that not everything in this world has gone to hell. _Pause_. **_Onen i-Estel Edain, ú-chebin estel anim_.**

What's that?

Elvish. Loosely translated it means, I gave Hope to the world of men, I have kept none for myself.

How do you know Elvish?

Why, I've been very busy studying, my dear. An entire range of subjects. I am now a veritable fountain of information. You know, doing horrible things for myself...

_Pause_

When I go to Headquarters tonight I plan to ask the Professor Dumbledore about letting you come early.

Don't bother

Har-

_Angrily_. Firstly, if he didn't let me come early any other year, especially last year, why would he want to let me this year? Secondly, and listen closely to this one because I have a strong feeling you'll be relaying every word of this conversation to the Headmaster, I will not be forced to return to that nightmare of a house. I'd rather take my chances here.

_Quietly_ Okay, Harry, I'll tell them.

Incidentally, is Kreacher dead?

_Flinch._No

Tell the Headmaster that I want Kreacher for myself.

Why?

To kill him.

Harry, why are you like this? What happened since the end of school to change you so much?

I woke up one morning and realised that Sirius is dead. Now leave.

**Authors Notes.**

**_Onen i-Esten Edain, ú-chebin estel anim_. **Stolen from the master, J.R.R Tolkien. Aragorn's mother Gilraen says it... This was put in for Matty.

**RoibenRavus**


End file.
